Hi Emma. I really like your writing. It is improving a lot. I liked the end and how you get yourself into a situation where you can have any wish you want. But the pressure to choose quickly is too much. I imagine we all wish for something and when you finally get the chance you can't think of it. Well done, it was good. One thing I would improve on is proof reading your work and trying to find the little mistakes. It can make the difference between good and REALLY good writng.
Hi Emma. I really like your writing. It is improving a lot. I liked the end and how you get yourself into a situation where you can have any wish you want. But the pressure to choose quickly is too much. I imagine we all wish for something and when you finally get the chance you can't think of it. Well done, it was good.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would improve on is proof reading your work and trying to find the little mistakes. It can make the difference between good and REALLY good writng.
Hi. My name is Kira. I go to Kaharoa School
ReplyDeleteCool story. I don't no what I would have wished for either. Probably another puppy!
Kira
Kaharoa School
Haha thanks! I didn't know what wish I wanted so I just stuck with not making one ;)
DeleteThat is a really cool story!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI enjoyed reading your story I how you explained how they spoke :) :) :) :) :) next time use paragraphs
ReplyDeleteThanks! I couldn't use paragraphs because I was using this smart writer website and I needed better scores:)
DeleteWow awesome, weird wish tho. Your writing is really cool!!!
ReplyDelete