Henry I liked the part where you said " Troy, big nose and Aidan fish breath" that really made me wanting to read more. Perhaps you could be a bit more descriptive and use adjectives a bit more. Mind you this could help you achieve goals in your writing. By Regan
Hay Henry I like your story you have decribed it very welL. I like the bit when you add funny names on to the end of Troys and Aidans name. You also ended it very well.It is a awesome story
Things to work on: My freinds and I not me and my friends. And puncuation. other than that, Very Funny :} it was enjoyable and quick, awesome piece! Like Aidan fish breath, and Troy big nose,very creative. Your story highlighted their rl features ;D
Great story Henry you could have made the story a little longer but it is very Impresive I love how you put Aidan was never seen again and troy big nose. BY ALEX HART
i like how you put the date of the jackolantin when out you could have made the story longer by saying you had to tell adions perants that could be a nuther hunted story lol thanks for your time from patrick matthews a.k.a pattsy lol :-)
hay, henry it very descriptive and funny how you aidan and troy were playing truth and you deared aidan to walk into the haunted house and he was never to be seen again. by tao
Henry I liked the part where you said " Troy, big nose and Aidan fish breath" that really made me wanting to read more. Perhaps you could be a bit more descriptive and use adjectives a bit more. Mind you this could help you achieve goals in your writing. By Regan
ReplyDeleteI like it describe it more
ReplyDeleteHenry I like the names Troy Big Nose and Aidan Fish Breath you used descriptive words but you could write a little bit more. By Hannah
ReplyDeleteHay Henry I like your story you have decribed it very welL. I like the bit when you add funny names on to the end of Troys and Aidans name. You also ended it very well.It is a awesome story
ReplyDeleteThat one was by Aaliyah :)
ReplyDeleteThings to work on: My freinds and I not me and my friends. And puncuation. other than that,
ReplyDeleteVery Funny :} it was enjoyable and quick, awesome piece! Like Aidan fish breath, and Troy big nose,very creative. Your story highlighted their rl features ;D
Emma and Amiee :D *_*
Hi Henry I really like your piece of writing.You have described it well and its really interesting.I like the funny names. Well done
ReplyDeleteKatherine
Bad move, chickens can put pressure on you. Lesson ignore chickens lol. Great piece.
ReplyDeletehi herny i like the way you used describe the words well in your haunted house story i like it awsome story
ReplyDeletecourtney
Deletehay henry
ReplyDeleteI really like your piece of writing.I like the funny names. Great piece of writing lol :)
jade
Great story Henry you could have made the story a little longer but it is very Impresive I love how you put Aidan was never seen again and troy big nose. BY ALEX HART
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletei like how you put the date of the jackolantin when out you could have made the story longer by saying you had to tell adions perants that could be a nuther hunted story lol thanks for your time from patrick matthews a.k.a pattsy lol :-)
ReplyDeletehay, henry it very descriptive and funny how you aidan and troy were playing truth and you deared aidan to walk into the haunted house and he was never to be seen again. by tao
ReplyDelete