Thursday, 23 May 2013

Kyralee's story day I jumped out of a plane


  1. great story I liked the bit where you said I can touch the sky because it's funny. One thing you could work on is explaining things a bit better like "It was the ultimate." what

  2. I liked it how you said you got woke by the pilot yelling at you.You done well with all your commas in the right place. One thing you could improve on is using more conective words.
    It was a good story though.

  3. I liked how you some punctuation in the right places.

    Next time you should is to check your punctuation.

    From Riccarton Primary