George this is Alex i love how you put the ending with the soap and golden eggs it inspired me with my story to bad jack didn't get a better profit for the cow :-( but awesome story i look forward to see more of your story's :-)
Nice story I liked how you described everything so well like when you said you were going to climbed the over grown vine. One thing you could improve on is finding a way to not use so much dialog at once.
Well done George. I agree with the other comments. Very descriptive and good use of vocabulary. I like the way you say "As heartbroken as I was I knew I had to sell Betsy" and I especially like the way you say "The next morning I awoke with a shock, no light was coming in from my window". This implies something has grown so big outside the window that it has blocked out the sun. I also like the way you have been different with the mothers reaction. Instead of the mother being angry and saying nasty things to Jack, she is more caring and understanding e.g. "“well at least we can grow some food. Thank you Jack". Good story George, well done.
Nice story George, very descriptive and not to long -by karim and James
ReplyDeleteGeorge this is Alex i love how you put the ending with the soap and golden eggs it inspired me with my story to bad jack didn't get a better profit for the cow :-( but awesome story i look forward to see more of your story's :-)
ReplyDeleteNice story I liked how you described everything so well like when you said you were going to climbed the over grown vine. One thing you could improve on is finding a way to not use so much dialog at once.
ReplyDelete-Henry
Well done George. I agree with the other comments. Very descriptive and good use of vocabulary. I like the way you say "As heartbroken as I was I knew I had to sell Betsy" and I especially like the way you say "The next morning I awoke with a shock, no light was coming in from my window". This implies something has grown so big outside the window that it has blocked out the sun. I also like the way you have been different with the mothers reaction. Instead of the mother being angry and saying nasty things to Jack, she is more caring and understanding e.g. "“well at least we can grow some food. Thank you Jack".
ReplyDeleteGood story George, well done.