Well done Patrick, I really like your introduction. it is fresh and original and hooks the reader really well. I also like the way you have changed the roles of the characters with the mother going up the beanstalk and the giant eating both Jack and his mother. I think as the story got longer, you lost focus on your punctuation and a couple of little errors crept in. I would go back and check these. It will be worth while as it will nicely complete a really good story.
Well done Patrick, I really like your introduction. it is fresh and original and hooks the reader really well. I also like the way you have changed the roles of the characters with the mother going up the beanstalk and the giant eating both Jack and his mother. I think as the story got longer, you lost focus on your punctuation and a couple of little errors crept in. I would go back and check these. It will be worth while as it will nicely complete a really good story.
ReplyDeleteGood story, but part way through, you changed the mothers name from Jane to Joan!
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