Thursday 23 May 2013

Aaliyahs story about The day I jumped out of a plane

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LUia0T49YgGvJ84FNa7oXZUIffJb-FlY0ePGvN0nI-M/edit?usp=sharing

5 comments:

  1. I liked how you told me what you and Hannah were wearing and that you said you were nervous something you could improve on is describing the setting a bit better. from George G

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  2. Great story I really liked how you described what you were wearing because it makes the story better don't know how to explain.One thing could make it better correct gramma.

    From Henry

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  3. Riccarton Primary17 June 2013 at 15:37

    Excellent story. I liked how you described what you were wearing and explained what your hair was looking like.

    Next time you should proof-read and spell check.

    From Paula

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