I think you have created a really interesting complication to the traditional Cinderella fairy tale. I also like the way you have made the stepsisters into maids at the end. One thing I would suggest is going back and trying to change the length of some of your sentences. You could make some shorter and others a little longer. Come and see me and we can work on it our group session.
I know this is a little late but the story is awesome but the tense keeps on changing. Good job though. Amiee