I like the moral of your story about working hard and getting the rewards. Your story would have been more effective if you checked your punctuation a little better. Some full stops and speech marks would have made it easier to follow. Go back and fix these and your story will read much better.
I like that theres i life lession in there that therers something that follows every acion good or bad, great storty i enjoyed reading it Dylan
Good story, do practice on your punctuation though. Other than that, it was a a good story.
I liked the meaning of the story, but a little advice for next time will be to check punctuation and full stops apart from that great job, Ka Pai !!!RayanP3 Mokoia Int
The story had a good moral, but next time you need to put in punctuation because it made the story confusing!
Great story! Very original and interesting. But next time double check you puncuation :) Hannah RPSroom7